Thursday, April 2, 2009

Hello 2010

It's official, our last chance for a 2009 baby has left the building, as the painters entered it this afternoon. This coming month also marks the start of our fourth year of trying to conceive (including the medically enforced year off to get my hormones up to scratch).

I can't believe it's three years since we started all this. It was April 2006, we had just moved into our new house, John turned 40 and was made permanent in his job, and we knew it was now or never time. Little did we think that we would still have an empty house three years on.

I really had a good feeling about this month. We gave it our all. Took a weeks holidays to relax and dedicate ourselves to the cause. To put it bluntly, we went at it like rabbits. I had all the symptoms. I was so sure. As soon as I saw the temp drop yesterday morning I knew. I tested anyway last night, just in case, since I wasn't feeling at all crampy and my boobs were killing me. BFN. Temperature was down again this morning. Cramps started around 11am.

So we're looking at 2010 at the earliest, if we are lucky. I think the worst thing about this right now is not knowing when it's going to end. I just want a normal life where I am not stuffing my gob with supplements and vitamins and fertility drugs all the time. Where we don't have to figure out how to pack and transport my hcg shots, which have to be kept refrigerated, every time we want to go on a weekend away or a holiday. Where I'm not constantly knicker watching and counting cycle days. Where we are normal people with a normal family life and not the childless freaks whom everyone feels sorry for.

12 comments:

womb for improvement said...

I'm not surprised you are feeling so deflated. I'm so, so sorry.

And I hate that we are all looking to 2010 already.

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry honey.

Mick said...

I don't know what to write. I was really hoping for you this month.

Of course I will not ramble on with the phrases we all know and hate, but reading all these TTC blogs, it seems to me that 2010 is going to be one helluva year.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Complete shit so it is.

Sorry.

hairyfarmerfamily said...

((Hugs))

Leslie Laine said...

It sucks, but you'll find a way to keep going. It's amazing to me how that works - every time things seem to be at their worst, there's just this part of me that manages to pick up and move forward. I know you will too.

2010 is going to rock!

nutsinmay said...

I am so sorry. Damn, damn and double damn it all to heck. 2009 is a stupid name for a year anyway.

*hugs*

Paint it Black said...

crap crap crap -sorry life is a crappy bitch

Sarah said...

Y'know. I hadnt even thought that this is our last chance for 2009. But it is. When that cow aunt flo shows up in a week, that will be it. NO 2009 baby. Fuck. So far, and I dont know about the rest of you...but 2009 is just as much of a whiny bitch as 2008. Seriously.

Lisa DG said...

Oh shit! I am sorry. I know this roller coaster is the worst.

Jane G said...

Thanks everyone. It took me a few days, but I have picked myself up and dusted myself off again. Onwards and upwards!

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