Wednesday, May 26, 2010

We have moved to more optimistic premises

I've decided that it's time to pull the shutters down on Lacking Expectations. There's something about that title that evokes doom and gloom, and the new Jane is all about the positive and the joy in life. So on that note, I have started a new blog called Back to Life . The address is I hope you'll come on over and keep us company.

Thursday, May 6, 2010


Got turned down for a job the other day. Days after the MD of the company told a family member of mine that I was the best candidate for the job, and that it was mine. Then they turn around and give the job to someone else. For fucks sake.

Then good old AF arrives after the worst bout of PMT for months.

Oh infertility, how I hate thee.
Oh unemployment, how I hate thee.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Sheikh, rattle and roll

A fitting title for my first blog post since our return from the middle east (geddit?). I haven't felt like blogging much of late, and I'm beginning to think of winding down the IF blogging for good. I just find that since I stopped focusing on trying to get pregnant, and started focusing on just getting myself fit and healthy, that I am a far happier person. When I think about IF blogging I just feel so down again. So hence I haven't been blogging much of late.

So what have I been doing? Well I have been losing weight. Since I started in early January, I have lost approximately 18 pounds. I have dropped one dress size, and am on the way to dropping another. This is the lowest my weight has been in over three years. So I am very happy with that. I'm hoping to lose another eight pounds or so, and then I would be very happy with myself.

And then there was the big trip to Dubai. Nine days of soaking up the sun, swanning around a city (what a treat for a bog dweller such as myself!), going to swanky restaurants, eating lovely food and drinking lovely wine, getting pampered to within an inch of my life by a team of Filipino beauticians whilst I quaffed champagne, cruising in an Arab dhou off the coast of Oman, going dune bashing in a 4x4, and generally living it up. Bliss!

Not much more to say for the moment, but here's a pic of us all dolled up and out on the town.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

HSG done and dusted

I had the HSG yesterday morning. Well it wasn't as bad as I expected. The two neurofen extra that I popped an hour in advance undoubtedly helped, as did the quick whiff of rescue remedy I took as I changed into my hospital gown. The worst part was the waiting. The first nurse who came into the room was one of these very softly spoken "how are you lovey?" kind of women. To be honest she was making it a bit hard for me to switch off and relax, between the well intentioned sympathetic pats on the arm and glances. In the end I had to say that I was fine, just trying to relax. After about 15 minutes of faffing around the radiologist arrived, and said something about this not being the worst thing either of us had been through. I pointed out that he might find that easy to say, him being the one without the vagina. Luckily he had a sense of humour. I was given a injection of muscle relaxant and then we were ready for the off.

Another very nice nurse came in and let me squeeze the living daylights out of both her hands whilst the speculum went in. I remember having a "going anywhere nice on holidays?" conversation, to which I eagerly replied "Yes! We're off to Dubai in five weeks time". So through gritted teeth I had a conversation about how amazing Dubai is reputed to be, all the while a doctor I had never met before was shoving a plastic object up my lady business. The nice nurse had to go once the x-raying began, because of the radiation, so I was left to bite on the side of my gown while mumbling "ouch! fuck! stingy!" under my breadth. It was all over a lot quicker that I expected. It did sting a bit, but not too badly. The bad news is that my left tube is now blocked, due to the after effects of the ectopic pregnancy surgery. But the good news is that the right tube is still in good working order, so at least I am firing on one cylinder, so to speak.

So all in all, not the most pleasant experience I have ever been through, but nowhere near the most painful. Where we go from here with one blocked tube I do not know right now, but for the moment I am not going to dwell on it. When we get back from holidays we will start gearing up to get back on the ttc train.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

HSG - info appreciated

Since the good surgeons of Limerick Regional managed to save my left tube after the ectopic pregnancy of two months ago, I'm now faced with the delightful prospect of a HSG to follow up on how the healing process is going. I'm currently around day 23 of this cycle, so when the crimson tide rises once more, I have to phone my consultant's secretary and schedule the appointment for as near to day 10 of my cycle as possible.

So, my lovely internet friends.....those of you who have had this done, any advice or info I should know about? My GP told me I would probably be sedated, but from what I have read, I don't think this will be the case. I will ask the secretary when I phone her. So if there is no sedation involved, would it be a good idea to self medicate in advance, like pop a couple of strong neurofen or solpadeine? Did it really hurt like a motherf***er? Any helpful advice would really be appreciated.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Losing the gut

I told you a couple of weeks ago that I had signed up for a twenty week weight loss programme with Motivation Weight Management Clinics. Well I'm now getting to the end of week 3, and when I weighed myself this morning, I had lost a total of seven and a half pounds to date. I'm delighted with that result, and hoping to have the next seven pounds down within the next month.

I'm finding the programme fairly easy to follow. I have upped my protein intake, cut back drastically on carbs, but not cut them out totally, started drinking approx 2 litres of water daily, and given up the chocolate, cakes, biscuits, crisps and general crap that I had been stuffing my face with all Christmas. I've also given up alcohol for the moment. This was the bit I thought I would find most difficult. Not that I'm a raging dipso or anything, but alcohol and socialising usually go hand in hand for me. That is whenever I do get out, which is not all that often these days since we live in a one horse town where even the horse has fucked off to find livelier pastures.

So last Saturday night presented me with my first opportunity for partying since I started this programme (don't want to use the word diet, it just sounds too much like punishment). One of my old Uni buddies was having her fortieth birthday party in a hotel in Galway, the city we went to college in. Now there's always been this association with Galway and getting tanked to the lugs, but this party was going to be different for me, with sparkling water my chosen tipple for the night. When we got there, a waitress was pouring wine for everyone as they arrived. John grabbed a glass, and straight away I was tempted to have just the one. But as I was driving, I wouldn't have felt comfortable even having one drink, so fizzy water it was for me.

Then the buffet was rolled out. The usual party food, sandwiches, cocktail sausages, vol au vents, that kind of thing. I had the foresight to suggest we went out for dinner beforehand so that we would be full up with healthy option type food before we hit the party, so I wasn't in the least bit tempted by the nibbles. The one treat I allowed myself was a slice of the most orgastric chocolate birthday cake I have ever tasted. Divine.....mmm.... Then the DJ started up and we were all dragged out on the floor to get the dancing started. Now dancing in stillettos has never been a talent of mine, but dancing sober in stillettos was even more like hard work. But the DJ was brilliant and really got the craic going. After a while I got John to run out to the car and fetch me a pair of flat shoes I had brought as backup. Much better. I danced and danced for at least two hours solid. I hadn't danced that much in years! So I definitely got my exercise in for the day, if not the weekend.

The great thing was the next morning I woke up with a clear head, rearing to head to the leisure centre. I swam for twenty minutes, and then we relaxed in the outdoor hot tub for a while. Bloody freezing when you step outside in January in your swimming togs, but so warm when you get into the tub. So all in all a really enjoyable and healthy weekend. And I proved to myself that I can party my socks off without touching a drop of alcohol, so I now I don't feel like I will have to live like a hermit until I finish this programme. My next weigh in is tomorrow morning. I will report back here regularly on my progress.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Water is back!

Oh joy. I was lying awake at around 3.40am Friday night/Saturday morning, when I heard a sound which was like sweet music to my ears. The sound of water filling up the tank in the attic. I elbowed John awake.

"Did you hear that?"

"Wha what what?"

"The tank, it's filling up with WATER!!"

"Really? Great"

"Shall we have a shag to celebrate?"

"Go back to sleep, Jane"

*small voice* "Oh, okay"