After last week's dramatic reminiscinces on the break up from hell, I'm back to thinking about more mundane issues. Such as, where's my sodding eggy white stuff? It's CD16 in the Big Brother House, and Jane is on regular cack watch. And there's not a sign of anything happening. Nothing, nada, zilch.
This month I was back on the clomid with a vengeance after a break for last month's lap cycle. My bloods were almost where they need to be last month (they need to be at 60-100 for progesterone and 400 -800 for oestradiol before we will be allowed to ttc) so as usual I had high hopes that clomid would do the job. My dose was cranked up to 100mg for six days, on day 2 to day 7. The first few days seemed ok, and I thought that maybe my system was getting used to this chemical bombardment. No such luck. By day 7 I was back to my usual basket case self. Crying at the drop of a hat for no apparant reason (other than the usual incessant pregnancy and baby chat among my colleagues) and finding it physically difficult to stop crying. Two evenings in a row I just came home from work and crashed out. Then on day 10 it was as if a cloud lifted and I felt fine again. I couldn't have cried if I tried. So it's obvious that clomid is having a very strong depressant effect on me. I thought that such strong symptoms would surely mean a whopping good quality ovulation this month. But so far nothing. Like WTF? I can usually see signs of something happening at this stage in my cycle. Weird.
In other news, John became an uncle for the fourth time while we were on holidays. She is his fourth niece, but baby number one for his youngest brother. And she is absolutely gorgeous. We called to see them at the weekend, laden down with nappies from the company shop and a seriously cute teddy bear among other things. John has been asked to be godfather, which is a first for him, and he's over the moon. Although I did get that little twinge of sadness when I held her, if anything it made us both all the more determined to keep on with this treatment. I find that I don't get as much of a jealousy feeling with newborns as I do with seeing pregnancy bumps. Maybe it's that when you see the actual baby, you know it's someone else's and you want your own baby, whereas when you see a woman with a bump it's a more generic image and more transferable to you. That's my theory anyway. I just hope to God that I'm not on clomid when the Christening comes around, if I am I don't know how I'll hold it together in front of all my in laws. Ouchy!
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9 comments:
I feel exactly the same about babies, pregnancy announcements are worse than birth (and not just because you've had a few months to get use to the idea). Also, bizarrely, I'm more jealous of strangers with babies than friends - maybe because, as you say they more easily transferable.
Sorry to hear Clomid is giving you such a touch time. And happy ovulating - whenever it decides to pop out.
Good luck with the ovulating.
Clomid is weird. The first time, I was REALLY ANNOYED. The second time I was horribly depressed and anxious. The third time, I was subdued and uninterested in everything and anything. Lord knows what I will do next, dance past the In-Laws with my knickers on my head I shouldn't wonder.
Congratulations on your new niece/god-daughter. I hope the Christening goes smoothly and hopefully timings will work out and you won't be on clomid and oh, how I know what you mean. I don't want someone else's baby. I want to be pregnant with my own. So babies are more dealable with than pregnant women. I totally understand that.
Sounds like i got off lucky with clomid side effects. I remember being pretty firey and full of mood swings the first time. My body adjusted and the next 5 times I was normal (well normal for me). Sorry it gives everyone such a shit time.
That clomid sounds nasty. I hope it will be worth it.
You know, after the initial pangs of these announcements and births, we are usually always perfectly happy for the people.
It's just that first initial reaction that makes me feel like a prick.
I felt (or should I say "feel" - still haven't got over it) the same about pregnancy announcements. People are made to feel extra special when they are expecting a baby - once it is born, there is less attention. And, as you say, it is easier to visualise that the baby is not your baby or the baby you should have had.
Best of luck with this cycle.
Clomid damn near finished me off. It's evil incarnate!
As it happens, I have buckets of EWCM currently (entirely anovulatory, I'm sure!) - I do wish I could send some your way. So to speak. Urggh.
I'll get my coat.
I think Jane will be opening all unexpected post with rubber gloves from here on in...
@ WFI - yes, I get what you mean about strangers with babies rather than friends. Every time we fly somewhere there always seems to be a crop of cute babies on the plane, and I'm always thinking that's the age ours should be.
@ May - good luck with the next clomid cycle. It is definately weird shit.
@ Paint it Black - thanks for dropping by. Sounds like you got off relatively lucky with the evil stuff alright!
@ X box - I know, I feel like such a wagon for being so jealous at times.
@ Fee bee - Thanks for the good wishes! How's Anna doing?
@ HFF/X box - I shall be keeping an eye out for the postman **pulling on the marigolds**
Congratulations Auntie! Yours will be the next baby to join the ranks and file!
Thank you for the prayers. They are greatly appreciated!
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