Monday, May 11, 2009

And so it continues....

I get the feeling that this blog is becoming somewhat repetitive.
Day 1 - Angst ridden rant.
Day 7 - I fucking hate clomid. Boo hoo, sob, sob.
CD 15 - Wooo hoo, let the horizontal tango commence.
8 DPO - Are these real symptoms or am I just pimping?
15 DPO - Oh fuck it I don't care anymore. But I might just do a sneaky test....BFN...fuck.
Day 1 - Angst ridden rant.

I kept the angst ridden rant short and sweet this month. To be honest, I wasn't really expecting to be pregnant. We were a wee bit hit and missing with our timings, mainly due to me being unusually busy at work and running around like a blue arsed fly entertaining my work guest. And let's face it, if the previous month's military campaign that is the SMEP plan didn't work, then this was hardly going to. So no major shock when I woke up early on Thursday morning and blearily went in search of painkillers. This does mean that with my birthday in less than three weeks, there will be no chance for a BFP before my 40th, which sucks.

I mentioned that we had a visit to the fertility clinic the week before last. The fertility clinic we are with have the objective of taking the more "natural" approach. So that excludes IUI or IVF. They do however prescribe clomid, pregnyl and all manner of fertility drugs, which in my book stretches the bounds of "natural" ferility treatment somewhat. Their ethos is very much a Catholic one. The manual we were given at our first appointment was full of quotes from scripture, papal encyclicals, and much denouncing the evil on society that is artificial contraception. Heavy stuff. But if it gets us a baby at the end of all this, then I'm prepared to suck it up (although that's probably on their list of banned acts, fnarrr fnarrr).

Anyway, this visit our good doctor suggested that we get John's side of it checked out, as in an SA. I was always wondering how they did this, since, shall we say manual handling of one's own wedding tackle is after all a mortal sin. It turns out they have a way around this. John was given on our way out of the clinic, a perforated condom and a collecting jar. The rationale she gave us for this was that pre-ejaculatory fluid contains mucho sperm, and this isn't collected properly when one bashes the bishop, so to speak (I'm so looking forward to reviewing my google analytics account after this post). So in keeping with the "Every sperm is sacred" ethos, we have to have sex using a perforated condom, then John has to quickly decant the resulting product into a jar, hose down his undercarriage, get his clothes on, and drive to the nearest lab which is approximately 40 minutes drive away in light traffic, and deposit the sample within one hour of production. Why do I suddenly have the theme to "Mission impossible" going around my brain? The doctor suggested that maybe we have a romantic night somewhere nearer the hospital. This is all well and good but the hospital is in Limerick, a city more famous for drive by shootings and stabbings than romantic getaways. It's just such never ending fun isn't it?

Other than that, the doctor decided to try me on a couple more supplements, since I'm clearly not shoving enough capsules, tablets and horse pills down my neck every day. So here's a run down on my chemical consumption for an average month:

Every day of cycle:
2 x fertility plus for women (seriously evil smelling and tasting capsules, shudder)
2 x pyrodoxine (Vit B6)
1 x probiotic capsule
1 x omega something fish oil
2 x glutamine (for better cervical mucous production)
1 x Vitamin D
1 x Calcium supplement
3 x Fertile CM supplement (same purpose as glutamine)
1 x Low dose Naltrexone

Days 3-7:
3 x 50 mg clomid

Day 12-19:
3 x mucodyne capsules

3, 5, 7 & 9 DPO:
1 x pregnyl injection

Natural fertility treatment indeed.


Sarah said...

Natural indeed.

Wishing you the very best luck with this cycle. No one should have to be going through the crap we put ourselves through. It f-ing sucks!

Huge hugs!

Anonymous said...

I'm awed! And a little puzzled. Masturbatory action = wasted sperm = sin: I get. Condom usage = stymied sperm = sin: I get. But have I understood this right: you have to use a perforated condom in order to be able to say, hand on heart, that you gave some of John's sperm a decent fighting chance of reaching an egg, whilst still being able to, umm... decant... the remainder? Blimey.

Sorry about the BFN for 40. That sucks largely.

womb for improvement said...

There was a couple in Limerick
Who had to perform a nifty trick
Shagging until
he was about to spill
And then whip the condom off his dick

Sorry couldn't resist.

They say life begins at forty - hope that is literally true this time.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Firstly WFI deserves some kind of a literary award for that comment.

Anyway, I'm quite stunned. In my best attempt to restrain myself and not be offensive to anyone, I really don't follow the logic in that semen collection idea.

My understanding is that technically, it's the wasting of sperm is the issue, so doesn't that happen regardless of the collection method for an analysis?

And, I'm 'almost' certain that the Vatican has no issue with IUI, due to the fact that the sperm doesn't get wasted, and you don't have the whole what to do with embryos issue.

Is it really the physical act that is not allowed?

I have many questions. I'm a bit stunned and I'm guessing here isn't the place lol.

Mick said...

Wow, I didn't know how much was involved here.

Perforated condom? WTF?

Good Luck...

Anonymous said...


That's... blimey... that's... strange.

In Italy, Home of the Vatican, no IF clinic has any trouble at all with the concept of masturbating into pots. After all, it's all for the purpose of baby-making, so pot, lady-parts, whatever. Why on EARTH do Irish Catholics have an issue (an issue! Ah ha ha ha) with this?

Anyway, as long as it works.

Hey, your birthday must be damn near mine! Ah, but the whole birthdays and anniversaries and still no luck thing sucks, doesn't it?

Jane G said...

Sarah - Thanks for the good wishes.

HFF - I know, it's all a bit bizarre. The Doctor said that it was because semen collection by masturbatory methods does not collect the pre-ejaculatory fluid, which contains a significant amount of sperm in itself. But I can't help but think it's more for religious reasons myself. It's not so much the wasted sperm that's the issue, it's the solo sex act that's a no-no as far as the church is concerned.

WFI - You have been awarded comment of the year for that one. You are truly a legend, my dear!

Xbox - As far as I know, the Vatican do have an issue with IUI, for reasons outlined above, as in it's the physical act that is the big fat sin (I might be wrong about this however). It's all a bit whacko really.

Mick - WTF indeed!

Nuts in May - It's not because the clinic we are going to are Irish Catholics, it's because they are Catholics. The Doctor treating us is actually French. The organisation, Napro (Natural Procreative Something-or-other), was founded in the US. If you went to a Napro clinic anywhere in the world you would be given the same treatment, perforated condoms and all.

Yes, only 16 days to go to the birthday. 16 days of my 30's left. Boo hoo!

areyoukiddingme said...

I think the clinic should provide you with a room (or at the very least, an enclosed garage to park your car) in order to facilitate the timing of the sperm collection. I guess I'm going to have to resign myself to an eternity in purgatory (if not hell), for considering "manual handling of one's own wedding tackle" to be not worthy of being considered a sin.