CD 30, 14 DPO

Another three days to go on the 17 day wait.

Symptoms: Frequent bathroom visits, achey boobs, strong sense of smell, tiredness.

Trying not to read too much into this, but hard to ignore it all the same. I'll probably be able to do a sneaky test on Wednesday. In the meantime I will keep taking my BBT every morning. That's usually a good indicator.

Puts it all in perspective

I'm travelling up to my homeplace in Mayo today to attend the funeral of my brother's brother in law. He died on Wednesday night, aged 48, leaving behind a widow of my age and an eighteen month old daughter. He was diagnosed with cancer only six months ago. Just makes you realise how fragile life is.

RIP Seamus.

Assvice

A poem I found on the internet recently:

Useful Advice

You're 37? Don't you think that maybe
It's time you settled down and had a baby?
No wine? Does this mean happy news? I knew it!
Hey, are you sure you two know how to do it?
All Dennis has to do is look at me
And I'm knocked up. Some things aren't meant to be.
It's sad, but try to see this as God's will.
I've heard that sometimes when you take the Pill—
A friend of mine got pregnant when she stopped
Working so hard. Why don't you two adopt?
You'll have one of your own then, like my niece.
At work I heard about this herb from Greece—
My sister swears by dong quai. Want to try it?
Forget the high-tech stuff. Just change your diet.
It’s true! Too much caffeine can make you sterile.
Yoga is good for that. My cousin Carol—
They have these ceremonies in Peru—
You mind my asking, is it him or you?
Have you tried acupuncture? Meditation?
It’s in your head. Relax! Take a vacation
And have some fun. You think too much. Stop trying.
Did I say something wrong? Why are you crying?

Catherine Tufariello

Back to the grind

We had a lovely break in Merry Englande last week. Flew out on Monday and came back on Saturday. The weather was just fantastic for March. We even managed to barbeque on St Patrick's Day! Much relaxing, eating, drinking nice wine and baby making.

The day we arrived, my sister in law had a journalist and photographer around from House Beautiful doing a photo shoot in her gaff. She and her husband bought a (I think) two hundred year old stone cottage in the Cotswolds last year. When they bought it, it was very dark with lots of little adjoining rooms. They got an architect and builders in, completely gutted the place and modernised it inside. The result is nothing short of stunning. It's the kind of house I would dream about buying if I ever won the lotto. So it's great to have use of it as a base whenever the mood takes our fancy. This was the second trip we have taken over there in six months. It's just as beautiful there in Spring as it is in Autumn. We took a trip up to Hampton Court Palace while we were there. I have always had a fascination with Henry VIII and his wives, so it's somewhere I had wanted to visit for a long time. It was well worth the four hour round trip, particularly when the weather was so good.

Anyway I ovulated on the Monday, day one of our holiday. We had roughly been following the SMEP since I think day ten. We missed out on day 12, went for it on day 14, got a smiley face on day 15, so went for it again. The smiley face was still there on Monday morning, day 16, before we flew out. We hadn't time to do the necessary as our flight was quiet early in the morning, but managed a quicky that evening. So quick that if we conceived that day it'll be called Speedy Gonzalez. Or Sauvignon Blanc, as I was quite inebriated at the time. As I said before I don't usually go in for drunken shagging, but needs must and all that. (Apologies to my brother if he's reading this, for way TMI). We went for a bonus round on day 17, and after that we were officially all shagged out. Mind you Ireland's historic rugby victory on Saturday did prompt us to run upstairs and celebrate in a patriotic manner (i.e. a manner which might result in producing a future Irish tax payer). So we are both walking like John Wayne at this stage.

It's now day 23 and I'm going for my blood test this evening. Last month's results were still excellent, so I hope all the boozing of last week hasn't knocked me out of kilter hormone wise. As for 2ww symptoms, my boobs do feel a little bit sore today. But I'm paying it no attention, those fake symptoms I get from the HCG injections have fooled me too many times before. The crimson tide is due on April 2nd, which is ten days away. Any ideas for distractions for the next ten days?

Back to the task in hand...

Since I got the news of redundancy last Friday, my blogging mojo has been flagging somewhat. I'm trying to keep as positive as I can about my situation, but something tells me I might be starting an enforced career break in June. Hopefully it won't last all that long.

Anyway, on a more positive note, my good buddy Xbox has a beautifully written article in today's Irish Times. Well done X, for flying the flag for us infertiles. I have posted a link on a ttc board I frequent and the praise was very high indeed.

As for us, I have decided that we are going to try the Sperm meets Egg plan this month. That means starting action on CD8 (or later depending on when you ovulate), doing the deed every second day until you get a positive on an OPK, and then going at it three days in a row, break for one night and then one last go for the road. So the spare bed in my sister in law's house is going to see some action next week. I think we will be in need of a holiday after our holiday.

The axe has fallen

I am to be made redundant on the 29th May, two days before I turn 40. I was expecting this news for a while, and if anything it's good to know one way or the other what the situation is. I have been in my job 5 years so I will leave with quite a nice lump sum, which will cushion the blow somewhat. I will also be able to sign on for unemployment benefit which is EUR 200 per week, and we had the foresight to take out mortgage protection insurance when we bought our house. Also, if I don't find another job straight away, John will be able to claim some of my tax credits, if we tell the tax office that we want to be taxed as a married couple. This would be worth EUR 152 per month, not a lot, but every penny counts towards paying the bills.

For the past few weeks I have been trying to convince myself that unemployment won't be as bad for me as it was in the early 90's. I went through a stint of long term unemployment after graduating from Uni which was nothing short of soul destroying. I left college without a penny to my name, and moved to England to be with my boyfriend of the time. We lived in a crappy damp house with no central heating. The only TV we had was a black and white portable. We was poor, we was. We were also living in a town where I knew nobody, which was a very isolating experience. Living hand to mouth meant I had no money for clothes, which made the job hunting experience even more difficult, as I wasn't equipped with an appropriate work wardrobe, let alone a credible CV.

Whereas now I am a homeowner, and we have a very comfortable warm 4 bed house with a large back garden (well large by the standards of modern estates in Ireland!). I can drive and have my own car, which gives me a huge degree of independence. I have a few very good friends in the area or within driving distance who I can call into. I have a gym membership which I am definitely going to keep, job or no job, because that will be my reason for getting out of bed in the morning and will get the happy hormones going. I'm also going to use the opportunity to get my accountancy text books down out of the attic, and brush up on all I learned when I was studying for my CIMA membership. As for my CV, I have ten years experience with two large very well known organisations, which makes for a very strong work record, as well as a membership of an accountancy body. And above all, I have a supportive husband who will help me get through this bump on the road, and that is the most important thing of all.

If it ain't one thing

it's another. I am going to be told tomorrow whether or not I am to be made redundant. Strongly suspect that I am. I'm crapping myself. If you are so inclined, say a prayer that I will get to keep my job. Positive vibes also appreciated.

A change is as good as a rest

Or so they say. On that basis we decided at the weekend that we would take the week of St Patrick's Day off and take ourselves off to sis in law's place in the Cotswolds for a few days. As my cycle started on March 1st this month, and I normally ovulate sometime around cd16-cd18, it's highly likely that St Patrick's Day (March 17th) will be more to do with lovin' than drinking this year. John and I are very compatible in many ways, but one of them is that neither of us are very good at drunken sex. We've attempted it a couple of times, but invariably neither of us are up to it (if you'll pardon the pun!) and we end up snoring.

So we'll put this "just relax" malarkey to the test this month and see what happens. We fly out on Monday 16th, with no other plan than to lounge around a very nice cottage in the country, have lots of lie-ins, possibly a few country walks and maybe a bit of shopping and wining and dining.

If we hit target this month I would be 12 weeks gone on my 40th birthday. I'm already dreaming about how I could announce it at my birthday party. Somebody shoot me now.